July 7, 2011

untitled

it’s funny, how life can be so sweet yet so bitter at the same time. i’m not gonna try to decipher life’s secrets in this writing, i just merely want to release some pressure from my brain (not scientifically speaking but emotionally speaking) in order to give room to other kinds of thought.

i found myself crying on a plane again, and you know what? it was like that that new coldplay song, “every teardrop is a waterfall” and i mean that literally, i think i’ve never cried like this in my entire life and i promise i’m not being overly-dramatic here! you should have seen the size of those tears, i could feel the tear coming out of my eyes and falling into my cheeks then make their way down to my neck all the way to the inside of my shirt, and they just kept pouring and pouring… i don’t know if people could hear me cry (i think they could) but i didn't care i just kept crying and looking through the window looking how things on the outside were getting smaller until we reached a point where i couldn't see what was going on outside because it was too bright and the clouds would just disguise everything in white.

sometimes i find life to be (from my point of view) incredibly complicated, people say keep things simple, don't complicate yourself, most of the time happiness is found in the simple things… but guess what? MOST of the time it's not really that way, i mean of course i find happiness in just laying at the beach, or hearing from your friends, hanging out with them, among other simple stuff that are truly simple… but when it comes to making a decision that will affect your life's path (crossroad if you wanna put it that way) then it's not really that simple! YES we gotta find what makes us happy and who makes us happy, but sometimes some of us don't have it that easy… and then i stop and think OPTIMISTIC vs. FOOL!? i would like to consider myself an optimistic one but sometimes pretty much a fool (well aren't we all?), but you know what? i'm fucking 23 years old, i have a masters in science, i have travelled to 13 countries… God knows i have been blessed with an amazing family and some really great friends, and i've had my downs through out these 23 and half years lived but somehow i have managed to accomplish every thing i have ever wanted, every single goal… yet there are some things that even though you want them with all your heart, well they just don't happen at the moment you want them to happen, AND i have a serious issue with that, therefore i am sitting in my bed rambling like freaking crazy and just getting all this out of my system because honestly i'm starting to lose my fucking mind.

ok, fuck seriously, you must think i am crazy or that i have some serious issues but oh well… i guess it's just a risk i have to take in publishing stuff like this, but like i've said before i don't really publish this so you can form an opinion about me but merely to find my way IN by letting things OUT… and yes i am open about how i feel (sometimes) and yes i know some of you are not and might think that this is stupid… but this is my way of helping myself to keep myself… SANE.

the rambling is almost over… i'm feeling dazed and my bed is calling me out and i'm almost running out of words, which is good, which was the point of writing all this and that's it. I'M DONE.


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